I can't keep up with myself emotionally over the last few weeks! After one run I'm happier, after another I'm frustrated! All the while through these emotional highs and lows I've been telling myself to keep things all in perspective and, above all, stay happy. Somedays, it's easier said than done.
This week has been challenging, still. After what I thought was a good "getting stuck back into it" run last weekend...the rest of the week has been average. This week I'd planned on 10km runs to ease myself back into it and then be back on program next week. Tuesday I headed out full of happiness to be back running and I only managed 6km. On a pain scale of 1 to 10, my knee was probably at about 5 or 6; but I knew the improvement I thought was there was definitely not there. I pushed on for a little while once it started to ache...at about 5kms...thrashing the debate out inside my head. Run sore and do further damage, or accept I'm not where I thought I was and walk. I started walking, despondent. I can't believe it has been a whole month that this injury has derailed me.
Wednesday passed as a rest day...I walked about 4kms while CBoy was at ultimate frisbee. Frustratingly, my knee doesn't hurt while walking. Thursday morning dawned and I was up at 5am debating with myself, again. Should I run and just focus on 5kms for the next little while so my fitness doesn't disappear altogether? Should I rest it more? I opted to try for the 5kms and see how I went. I went out slowly and hoped for the best. It started nagging me at 3kms; this is worse than Tuesday! I pushed on for a little while to see if it got worse. I eventually stopped, thinking I'd only managed 4kms, but when I checked my watch it was over 5kms. I'd been so focused on my knee, and in the foggy haze of morning brain, I'd set out on the 7km route not the 5km one and when I stopped early I didn't think I'd done 5km.
So I walked the rest of the way home, again. "What the hell am I going to do now?" I am really starting to feel stressed and freaked that I am running out of time. Not only do I need time to get sound, but the time to build the kms back up to anything resembling close enough to just get through the race. I am certainly not going over there to be a DNF (did not finish) due to lack of preparation (planned or unplanned). My uber-experienced-ultra-friend BGal has helped me plan the final two months, essentially rewriting my program, to get the basic kms I need into my legs in the last 8 weeks. It would be close to achievable...providing my limbs stay sound. My other concern is that once I get them sound, will they stay that way when I cram run bigger kms into them, especially after such a light month for training.
Laying on the physio's table this morning...it all became a little too much and I started to cry. Not cry because she was hurting me, which she was; but just because I really see this slipping beyond my grasp and it is so frustrating. The pratical part of my brain knows that not entering this particular race would not mean defeat...the emotional part of my brain that has been so invested in this process is gutted. I know I can re-assess, rest and resume; I really truely have a taste for this type of racing and running and really do want to push myself and see what I am capable of. I can see myself doing this and then doubt and tiredness creep in and I am full of confusion and fear. I've been attempting to "feel the fear and do it anyway", but soon simple logic will have to come to the fore....x won't go into y!!
My physio is a fantastic woman; so understanding and proud of me also. She is doing everything in her power to help me get to the start line! She worked on my tired body this morning for 45 mins! She needled less and massaged more and, not surprisingly, we found more bits that hurt. I guess this is what comes from "running on a tight budget" and not being able to afford a completely self-indulgent, much needed, weekly massage to help the legs. I've been asking them to do an inordinant amount of running and not been repaying them very well. I do what I can, and money for a massage doesn't come into it, so I've had to go without for the most part. It now seems most of my legs are going out in sympathy with my knee...but in truth it is the legs that came first and the knee is a result of the knots all through my legs.
PhysioGal has now decided she will book me in for a Wednesday as I am soon to start a new job with Wednesdays free. As her last appointment of the day she is going to do as much as she can for my legs in 45min to an hour that she "leave me on the table" before she gets in strife! Such a genuine lovely young woman! I really trust her and hope it helps...I've completely dropped the ball now as far as momentum for this task. I hope it comes back, quick.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
May 16th 2011 – Happy trails…
I just looked over Friday’s blog….it’s long. I really should try to update every other day, then you wouldn’t have so much to read…for the few of you who do! I also tried to upload it on Friday and the blog site was down, as well as my computer at home.
Friday night was a night out to see a production of the Irish Theatre Players, Juno and the Paycock. It was also the 2nd catch up with Blind Date #2, but I don’t think that will go anywhere as he couldn’t even be bothered to stand up from his bar stool at the end of the evening to say goodbye; or thank you. A nice enough bloke, but not the one for me.
Saturday morning was another early start as I was to go to CBoy’s school where I had a table booked at the annual school fair. I thought it would be a fantastic way to publicise what I’ve been doing and sell some Lung Foundation merchandise and fundraising chocolates. I was quite chuffed with the way I’d set up the table and happily sat to await the throngs of people! As I was situated opposite the jumpy castles I thought loads of kids would want chocolates! I sold a grand total of about 20 and felt like I had an infectious disease as most people by-passed me altogether. As I’m not really a hard-sell kind of gal, the day was a failure. I packed up feeling despondent and disappointed that at the end of all of this I will be lucky to have $5000 to give to the Lung Foundation. I’d had such high hopes. Fundraising is so difficult, especially when you aren’t good at asking for things.
Saturday evening was really relaxing…a nice dinner, a quiet drink and I watched two movies that were waiting to be returned to Quickflix! Nice and relaxing, and lonely. I really miss the kids when the kids aren’t around. I really would like to meet someone nice, and keep telling myself one day I will. One day never seems to come. I did climb into bed feeling relaxed though, if only in a half good mood. I wanted a good night’s sleep for Sunday morning.
Sunday morning I was up at 5.30am…this happens automatically now, no alarm! LOL. My friend BGal, an awesomely talented ultrarunner, were meeting at Lesmurdie Falls. B was to act as my guide dog, as I am shocking with navigation, and show the some routes through this little park. It is very bushy, and very hilly, hence the “falls” (which were dry) and it seems you can go around and around in here for hours on end and never really back-track much. She showed me a route of about 13kms and also pointed out other tracks to explore and run down; the main objective of this area is to run “up”!
And up we went, and up some more. The whole run, which lasted short of 2 hours had an elevation gain of about 500meters…so if I do a few repeats of that then I should have a nice little route of torture; just what I need for the next two months. I ran in my new Vasque Velocity trail shoes; they worked out well. I did develop a hot spot (pre-blister) under my right big toe, but I put this down to not having run much over the last few weeks, and no hills. We also both ran with poles; my first attempt. It was easy enough use them and I alternated between putting them out in front together and alternating them with the run stride. Alternating seems more natural, but others have said the more effective way in a physics kind of way to use them together. I think I’ll just keep practicing, but it certainly seemed to help on the uphills. Especially when B charges off up and I was left walking my sorry self up; but I did make it half way. The nastiest of hills even have names; like “Childbirth Hill” (named by a man) and “The Little Lady, with her Two Daughters and Abusive Husband”…that family just goes on forever! I claimed I would like my goal to be to be able to run up all of those by the time the race comes around. B reckoned it would only take a few weeks; I can only hope her faith is correct. And I named a hill…”Mother-in-Law Hill”….just when you think you’ve finished, BAM, there she is nagging you again!
I really enjoyed this run, carrying the poles made me feel like a Death Racer…even if it was only a short 13km (my watch said 14km!!). It was a bit slower than we’d normally do as at most trail junctions B stopped and tied orange strapping to the bushes so I would know which way to run. She also said it is a great place for night running because it’s all contained in a few square kms and you can’t really truly get lost as you will keep bumping into houses that border the area. I think she was suggesting I’m a bit like Helen Keller when it comes to running trails…completely blind! I also learned that it is more difficult to tail someone when they are using poles! Unless you want one between the legs, so I quickly learnt to hang back a few more paces. I am a bit like a donkey going down into the Grand Canyon, eyes down so I don’t trip over the edge, and just follow on blindly. I really must learn to look up and check out the scenery…especially considering where I’ll be running!
The funniest thing was running over a man-made bridge in the area which was made of concrete “steps” with a gap between each. B went on ahead and her pole got stuck and left behind. Just as she was saying don’t use your poles, I planted mine and did the same thing! This sort of running is definitely much more fun than concrete footpaths around the suburbs! I fell once, landing “gracefully” like side-saddle apparently. It is easy to use the poles and they are very supportive, the trick is picking them up in time again before you plant your foot and end up with a pole between your legs; especially when going slightly downhill!! Very funny!!
My knee only started to ache after about 11km which was much better than I thought it would be. Given the elevation changes, I was very happy with it. I had a heavier knee brace on, as well as the taping, and spoke kind and soothing words to it all the way around. I really want to baby it for the next weeks, so it decides to stay sound. If it doesn’t want to play, then I’ll have to walk the hills in training to get some up and down efforts in. I’ll see how the knee pans out over the week ahead!
May 13th 2011 – Brighter end to the week…
I really shouldn’t write stuff down when I’m feeling crappy and I am sorry for having a whinge the other day! I guess that’s the reality of undertaking a process like this. If everything goes to plan, physically and emotionally, all things fall into place. When things fall apart physically, it wears on you emotionally.
I joked with the physio, at one of my many appointments, that at least the knee problem was not the original calf problem. I still have a problem, but the fact that the original injury hasn’t returned means that I am doing well with it. Pushing through to the next level is always likely to create other issues when you are taxing your body. I’ve found the biggest problem with training like this is lack of time. The ideal preparation for something like this is more than running. Though mileage is important, what is optimal is a body that is conditioned in an overall manner, not just legs that can run for kms on end. Swimming, cycling and yoga would all be fantastic to work on all the muscle groups. They may not all be directly responsible for running, they help maintain a strong core…and everything works better when your core is strong.
Luckily my core isn’t too shabby, considering I really don’t have time to work on it specifically. In an ideal world I’d love to work about 20 hours a week for my wallet (and earn what I earn now) and have 20 hours a week to work on turning myself into a true ultra runner. I’m learning that realistically this process will take years, not months, and this time next year my body will be completely different to what it is now. It’s kind of exciting to track the changes…if I stick with ultra running that is, which I hope to do.
So, this week started off on a low and has been getting better as it went along. Monday I started with weights in the morning. I love having the gym at home, even though now it is dark at 5.30am and the dim carport light does little to “brighten” my gym area. I also am very conscious of not “clanging” the weights as I am worried about waking the neighbours. A positive thing seems to be that the little annoying dog over the back has disappeared…well, at least stopped barking. Either the family gave in to his barking and whining and he is now and inside dog, or they tired of it and he is now someone else’s dog. Either way, the peace is lovely. I turn the radio on, quietly, and smile at the fact that I can “go to the gym” in my pj bottoms and slippers while having a nice cup of coffee; which I need with these cold mornings.
After my dummy spit on Tuesday, I went home and used the cross trainer…I was sick of not being able to do anything to raise a sweat! I was going for 60mins and managed 30mins as I was feeling quite puffed and to be honest, it’s kind of boring and noisy! At least I sweated and felt better after my low mood of the day. Wednesday morning I was up and on the floor in front of the morning news doing my glute exercises and more for about an hour. Wednesday night it was “test run” time. MGal was going to come with me but she got held up at work. I’d taped my knees in the morning to save time at night, and chuckled as I rode the scooter to work that morning, realising how little the knee bends when taped, thinking I really should have taped my feet first!! By the evening though the knee tape had slackened off a little and I was able bend my legs enough to reach my feet. I am certainly keeping the tape manufacturers in business; I even have skin missing from my knees from wearing tape so much.
I headed out for the run not feeling too hopeful. To be honest even sitting at work with my legs bent is giving me stiffness in the knees when I stand up, so I was fully expecting the test run to be a failure. Boy was I wrong!! I have only just figured out where the light on my watch was, so when I lit up the face and it told me I was running at 5:10/km pace and I’d only just started. (Just in case you were wondering why I was surprised, that’s fastish for me!) I thought I’d back it off a little and take it easy on the knee, but then I reasoned the knee isn’t really going to care the speed at which I run, just how many times it has to hit the ground and bend, etc. So if I covered the same distance in a shorter time, surely that was better for my knee. I kept going, feeling awesome (aerobically) and tried to push for as long as I could. I wasn’t going to be doing a 5km time trial like this again anytime soon…I shouldn’t even be running 5kms at this point. I checked my watch periodically along the run, and was even more excited when it said 4:45km/pace to me. That is seriously quick, and I can’t recall if I even ran that quick when I used to do triathlons…maybe, it was a long time ago.
Pulling up at the driveway, the knee had never really played up. I did feel it, I could feel it isn’t 100%, but it didn’t get any worse, and it certainly wasn’t painful. I checked the time on my watch and couldn’t believe it…I’d done 5km in just over 24minutes, giving me an average pace of 4:49min/km. A new PB!! I was going to be happy if I managed an average of 5:15!! I was very happy. I guess rest isn’t always a bad thing; now only if the Death Race was 5kms…I’d be set! Having a week of obviously rested everything…I was feeling very happy. Now the next test would be to back that run up.
Thursday afternoon I quickly headed to the supermarket for our food shop, completely forgetting my chiropractor appointment. When I realised I had a trolley half full of food and couldn’t be bothered, so I called to apologise and I will have to reschedule. That’s the 2nd time I’ve forgotten that appointment in two weeks. I guess my bones are complaining too much then, which is a good thing. Arriving home and offloading the shopping, I was greeted by a very grumpy MGirl. She is very under the pump at uni at the moment, such a large and demanding workload. I guess architecture doesn’t involve a lot of exams, but everything they are doing is so time intensive, and she is getting exhausted. She’d wanted to come, but I wasn’t sure I wanted her company, she was cranky!! I tried to talk her out of it, but she wasn’t to be put off. (In the end it did her the world of good and she felt much better.) we headed out on another 5km run; and with my surprising result of last night, I wanted to try and push it again to see if it wasn’t just a miracle. MGirl is my pace bunny, she always makes me run faster. I quizzed her about our pace, asking if it was as fast as she would normally go; the reply was “yes”; an easy jog! I was running hard, but loving every stride; I was keen to see if I could better last night again.
I purposefully didn’t look at my watch, I just keep pace with MGirl knowing she runs faster than me and surely that would give me another PB?! We reached the driveway and I checked the watch…she’d slowed me down!! Only 5:00min/km pace tonight. That was odd as I had actually felt I’d run a sustained, consistent and faster pace; I guess having someone to talk to makes it seem harder, the breathlessness of chatter and I didn’t actually run faster! I was still very happy. It gives me hope of one day cracking a 4 hour marathon time, which has always been a goal in the back of my mind. If training continues on track, I will enter the Perth Marathon in later June to see if I can get a decent time. I certainly won’t push for sub 4hour as it will be a training run only and I have to keep my eyes on the end goal. It will be interesting though; I’m excited. We had our minus CBoy dinner after the run; fried rice. He doesn’t really like my fried rice, so we tend to eat it when he isn’t around, which he wasn’t.
This morning I was up at 5.30am; MGirl was up doing more homework. I got a lot done this morning before heading out to the physio for an 8am appointment. All my hard work on the roller, and my glute exercises this week, I feel have paid off. I definitely feel like my ITB areas are less tight and the muscle more fluid. The physio seemed to think so too; but still managed to find some knots to stick needles into!! I didn’t quite jump off the table today, but nearly. Her next appointment had rescheduled, so before we knew it she’d been poking and prodding me for 45 minutes…lucky me! She also decided I’d qualified for her “frequently broken” program and is now charging me a heavily discounted rate; what a gem. The cost really does build up over time, even with health cover for physio. Now I can afford to continue to look after my legs, especially as I can’t really afford to have massages; which is what I really, really need weekly. This will be better than nothing and I feel a little more hopeful than I did earlier in the week.
I’ve also been following some discussions on Facebook, with the death Racer’s group page, and it seems there are many ways to make it to the finish line. Some people clock up extraordinary kms, peaking at 150kms a week for more than a month before the race. Others state their longest run was no more than a marathon and that they only did about 60kms a week in training. Others have other strategies still. All of this has shown me, that even with this stalled moment to my training, all is not lost (as MGirl told me) and I just have to push on mentally to get where I want to be.
So the plan is this…I have a 15km run in the hills this weekend, with walking thrown in if needs be. My friend B is showing me a good circuit where I can just keep repeating for further distance, and she said it will be similar to what I will face in Canada (though just not as damn big!). Once I know this route, if I can’t run successfully on trail, or for distance, I will be up there every weekend with my hiking poles and power hiking it, up and down, up and down. I really need climbing training, and if I can’t run it I will still need to walk it. on the flat I will concentrate on lengthening my runs again with a “happy knee” and hopefully it won’t take too long to get back up to 15-20kms through the week, 2-3 times. This should still get me where I need to be, although it may not be the way I originally intended to get there.
I have a fundraising venture on this Saturday, at CBoy’s school fair. I have a table set up promoting the Lung Foundation and my Death Race, selling Lung Foundation items, chocolates and copies of a novel (donated by a friend). Hopefully it gets things going, as I need to come up with $1000 as a bond to be able to hold my quiz night in July!!!
I joked with the physio, at one of my many appointments, that at least the knee problem was not the original calf problem. I still have a problem, but the fact that the original injury hasn’t returned means that I am doing well with it. Pushing through to the next level is always likely to create other issues when you are taxing your body. I’ve found the biggest problem with training like this is lack of time. The ideal preparation for something like this is more than running. Though mileage is important, what is optimal is a body that is conditioned in an overall manner, not just legs that can run for kms on end. Swimming, cycling and yoga would all be fantastic to work on all the muscle groups. They may not all be directly responsible for running, they help maintain a strong core…and everything works better when your core is strong.
Luckily my core isn’t too shabby, considering I really don’t have time to work on it specifically. In an ideal world I’d love to work about 20 hours a week for my wallet (and earn what I earn now) and have 20 hours a week to work on turning myself into a true ultra runner. I’m learning that realistically this process will take years, not months, and this time next year my body will be completely different to what it is now. It’s kind of exciting to track the changes…if I stick with ultra running that is, which I hope to do.
So, this week started off on a low and has been getting better as it went along. Monday I started with weights in the morning. I love having the gym at home, even though now it is dark at 5.30am and the dim carport light does little to “brighten” my gym area. I also am very conscious of not “clanging” the weights as I am worried about waking the neighbours. A positive thing seems to be that the little annoying dog over the back has disappeared…well, at least stopped barking. Either the family gave in to his barking and whining and he is now and inside dog, or they tired of it and he is now someone else’s dog. Either way, the peace is lovely. I turn the radio on, quietly, and smile at the fact that I can “go to the gym” in my pj bottoms and slippers while having a nice cup of coffee; which I need with these cold mornings.
After my dummy spit on Tuesday, I went home and used the cross trainer…I was sick of not being able to do anything to raise a sweat! I was going for 60mins and managed 30mins as I was feeling quite puffed and to be honest, it’s kind of boring and noisy! At least I sweated and felt better after my low mood of the day. Wednesday morning I was up and on the floor in front of the morning news doing my glute exercises and more for about an hour. Wednesday night it was “test run” time. MGal was going to come with me but she got held up at work. I’d taped my knees in the morning to save time at night, and chuckled as I rode the scooter to work that morning, realising how little the knee bends when taped, thinking I really should have taped my feet first!! By the evening though the knee tape had slackened off a little and I was able bend my legs enough to reach my feet. I am certainly keeping the tape manufacturers in business; I even have skin missing from my knees from wearing tape so much.
I headed out for the run not feeling too hopeful. To be honest even sitting at work with my legs bent is giving me stiffness in the knees when I stand up, so I was fully expecting the test run to be a failure. Boy was I wrong!! I have only just figured out where the light on my watch was, so when I lit up the face and it told me I was running at 5:10/km pace and I’d only just started. (Just in case you were wondering why I was surprised, that’s fastish for me!) I thought I’d back it off a little and take it easy on the knee, but then I reasoned the knee isn’t really going to care the speed at which I run, just how many times it has to hit the ground and bend, etc. So if I covered the same distance in a shorter time, surely that was better for my knee. I kept going, feeling awesome (aerobically) and tried to push for as long as I could. I wasn’t going to be doing a 5km time trial like this again anytime soon…I shouldn’t even be running 5kms at this point. I checked my watch periodically along the run, and was even more excited when it said 4:45km/pace to me. That is seriously quick, and I can’t recall if I even ran that quick when I used to do triathlons…maybe, it was a long time ago.
Pulling up at the driveway, the knee had never really played up. I did feel it, I could feel it isn’t 100%, but it didn’t get any worse, and it certainly wasn’t painful. I checked the time on my watch and couldn’t believe it…I’d done 5km in just over 24minutes, giving me an average pace of 4:49min/km. A new PB!! I was going to be happy if I managed an average of 5:15!! I was very happy. I guess rest isn’t always a bad thing; now only if the Death Race was 5kms…I’d be set! Having a week of obviously rested everything…I was feeling very happy. Now the next test would be to back that run up.
Thursday afternoon I quickly headed to the supermarket for our food shop, completely forgetting my chiropractor appointment. When I realised I had a trolley half full of food and couldn’t be bothered, so I called to apologise and I will have to reschedule. That’s the 2nd time I’ve forgotten that appointment in two weeks. I guess my bones are complaining too much then, which is a good thing. Arriving home and offloading the shopping, I was greeted by a very grumpy MGirl. She is very under the pump at uni at the moment, such a large and demanding workload. I guess architecture doesn’t involve a lot of exams, but everything they are doing is so time intensive, and she is getting exhausted. She’d wanted to come, but I wasn’t sure I wanted her company, she was cranky!! I tried to talk her out of it, but she wasn’t to be put off. (In the end it did her the world of good and she felt much better.) we headed out on another 5km run; and with my surprising result of last night, I wanted to try and push it again to see if it wasn’t just a miracle. MGirl is my pace bunny, she always makes me run faster. I quizzed her about our pace, asking if it was as fast as she would normally go; the reply was “yes”; an easy jog! I was running hard, but loving every stride; I was keen to see if I could better last night again.
I purposefully didn’t look at my watch, I just keep pace with MGirl knowing she runs faster than me and surely that would give me another PB?! We reached the driveway and I checked the watch…she’d slowed me down!! Only 5:00min/km pace tonight. That was odd as I had actually felt I’d run a sustained, consistent and faster pace; I guess having someone to talk to makes it seem harder, the breathlessness of chatter and I didn’t actually run faster! I was still very happy. It gives me hope of one day cracking a 4 hour marathon time, which has always been a goal in the back of my mind. If training continues on track, I will enter the Perth Marathon in later June to see if I can get a decent time. I certainly won’t push for sub 4hour as it will be a training run only and I have to keep my eyes on the end goal. It will be interesting though; I’m excited. We had our minus CBoy dinner after the run; fried rice. He doesn’t really like my fried rice, so we tend to eat it when he isn’t around, which he wasn’t.
This morning I was up at 5.30am; MGirl was up doing more homework. I got a lot done this morning before heading out to the physio for an 8am appointment. All my hard work on the roller, and my glute exercises this week, I feel have paid off. I definitely feel like my ITB areas are less tight and the muscle more fluid. The physio seemed to think so too; but still managed to find some knots to stick needles into!! I didn’t quite jump off the table today, but nearly. Her next appointment had rescheduled, so before we knew it she’d been poking and prodding me for 45 minutes…lucky me! She also decided I’d qualified for her “frequently broken” program and is now charging me a heavily discounted rate; what a gem. The cost really does build up over time, even with health cover for physio. Now I can afford to continue to look after my legs, especially as I can’t really afford to have massages; which is what I really, really need weekly. This will be better than nothing and I feel a little more hopeful than I did earlier in the week.
I’ve also been following some discussions on Facebook, with the death Racer’s group page, and it seems there are many ways to make it to the finish line. Some people clock up extraordinary kms, peaking at 150kms a week for more than a month before the race. Others state their longest run was no more than a marathon and that they only did about 60kms a week in training. Others have other strategies still. All of this has shown me, that even with this stalled moment to my training, all is not lost (as MGirl told me) and I just have to push on mentally to get where I want to be.
So the plan is this…I have a 15km run in the hills this weekend, with walking thrown in if needs be. My friend B is showing me a good circuit where I can just keep repeating for further distance, and she said it will be similar to what I will face in Canada (though just not as damn big!). Once I know this route, if I can’t run successfully on trail, or for distance, I will be up there every weekend with my hiking poles and power hiking it, up and down, up and down. I really need climbing training, and if I can’t run it I will still need to walk it. on the flat I will concentrate on lengthening my runs again with a “happy knee” and hopefully it won’t take too long to get back up to 15-20kms through the week, 2-3 times. This should still get me where I need to be, although it may not be the way I originally intended to get there.
I have a fundraising venture on this Saturday, at CBoy’s school fair. I have a table set up promoting the Lung Foundation and my Death Race, selling Lung Foundation items, chocolates and copies of a novel (donated by a friend). Hopefully it gets things going, as I need to come up with $1000 as a bond to be able to hold my quiz night in July!!!
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