Decision day! It always feels good to make a choice about something that’s been on your mind for some time. I spent the rest of the afternoon on a high...excited by possibilities that lay ahead and psyching myself into my decision.
It’s not every day you choose to run non-stop for 125km!! Welcome to the Canadian Death Race. It is not a device of torture, just a day’s run off road, up hills and over dales, avoiding bears and fording creeks! There is actually an item on the “recommended requirements” list that states “bear bangers and/or bear spray”. Is “bear spray” like mace?! Do I spray it on myself like a repellent, or spray it at the bear? It conjures up images I’d prefer not to face. I know I can’t out-run a bear, so let’s hope they are at elsewhere on that day!
At the end of each July, on the August long weekend in the Canadian Rockies at a place called Grande Cache, a small group of 1500 braves souls all equipped with bear repellent (if they’ve followed race suggestions carefully), charge off into the mountains to cover 125km over a 17,000ft terrain change over a 24 hour time period. The bonus is they claim no one has died (yet) and the joy at finishing is like nothing else you will experience. I heard about this race about 5 years ago from an internet friend in Canada. He’d actually competed in a team a couple of times, once not able to finish.
Once the seed was planted, I decided I wanted to do it alone. It’s not that don’t like people, but having come from a triathlon background (a brief one)...the thought of challenging me alone was what drew me to the idea of the race. I also have an internal list of “cool things to do before I die” and they are all individual tests of stamina, determination and courage; like the Rottnest Ocean Swim and perhaps the Avon Descent. I’ve already done an ironman, so this was an extension of that thinking.
Of course life gets in the way, and when you find yourself out of excuses...it becomes decision day! Recently I’ve been feeling at a loss with my life; searching for another job, thinking of university, looking for something to challenge me. I am still not sure what direction my life should be going in, but at least with the decision to enter the Death Race, I will be distracted for the next 14 months!!
My life has always seemed to be in response to the things that happen to me, not me happening to my life. My working life evolved as a consequence of part time jobs and gaining administration experience. It was not because of me following a long held passion or desire to a natural end; it happened to me, not me to it. When I was 19 I always had this romantic notion that somehow I would touch people’s lives on a grander scale and make them happy. Maybe that was actually the drive to succeed, and I let it drive right on by.
Don’t get me wrong, I have no regrets in my life, even the difficult parts. I am but the sum of all of those things, change something and you change me; and I am proud of who I am. Does that mean I am pleased with where I’m at? Of this I am not sure. And this is where I am at this point in time; after months of looking externally for change and purpose, I have now realised it is time to look inwards again.
When I told the kids about this race a week ago, my daughter said I was crazy. But as the idea grew in my own mind, and I knew I really wanted to tackle this challenge, both of the kids came around to the idea and are excited for me. They don’t quite understand when I start to cry when I talk about finding purpose in my life...but they are at least a little enthused, which is fine by me! It has suddenly dawned on me...is this my mid-life crisis? I am 42 and my kids (at 17 MGirl and 15 CBoy) are evolving wonderfully into young adults and continually I question what of me when they are gone? I know I have to reinvent myself, rediscover what it is that made me Karen long before they came along and became the centre of my world.
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